A Bit More Like Myself

Today was one of the first days in awhile that I felt more like myself. I am not sure if was the simple fact that I worked out yesterday, AND today or who knows what.

You 9 readers have probably figured out by now I am a planner and I like to be busy. I do enjoy my down time, but only when I schedule down time. I don't do well with people telling me what to do (unless I pay them like Coach). But even when he tells me to not do something, I don't like it. Anyway, between yesterday's water jog, swim, and 5 minute run - and today's 45 minute trainer ride (while watching a great episode of Glee), I am feeling a lot better.

The knee is still a bit stiff, I am still sleeping with the ice pack, but I have more hope today. And that makes me happy. Because it's still 100% worth it.

It Could Be A LOT Worse

That is what I am taking from my PT session today. I think by going in when I did, I potentially avoided a meniscus tear. I do have a damaged/swollen/bruised meniscus, but my PT does not think it is torn. That is good. Very good.

I have lots of fun strength training exercises to do twice a day for the next two weeks when I go back. I can also do 5 minutes of running, 3 days a week. But I can also do some water jogging. And do my cardio on my bike to make up for what I am missing for the run. Oh, and of course I can swim. I just need to fill Coach in on all of this and see what he has to say.

Given this info, I should be happy, right? I should be happy it’s not worse. My coach is doing a great job reminding me to be positive. How attitude is a huge factor in recovery. He is even using smiley face emoticons! (I know right, Coach has used :) in multiple emails!!). So why am not happy? I wish I knew...

I can’t help but wonder if this is a warning of what is to come. I can’t help but wonder that this might not have happened if I just lost some (a lot of) weight. I can’t help but wonder why the right side of my body won’t just do what I want it to do.

Trying to stay positive is really hard when I am always feeling inadequate. Like I am not supposed to be doing all of this and someone is going to pop out with a camera and say “Surprise! It’s all a lie! You suck and your first Ironman was a joke! You can’t do another one as you weren’t supposed to do the first one!!” Staying positive when these thoughts keep creeping in - tough.

NOTE - I wrote this immediately when I got back to the office from the appointment. I debated on if I should post this or not, but I decided to. I am feeling better about things, it's just that I am a very emotional person. My goal was to always keep this blog 'as real as possible' and not just talk about the good and funny things that happen on this journey. There can be a very dark side to Ironman training and I am just in one of those moments. But deep down, I do know I will come out of this, better, and hopefully stronger. And not just my right knee.

Guess Where I Am NOT

Tuesday's Post. I guess I never hit the "Publish Post" button...

I am not at Yoga Steve. Why? Because I am still benched. Humph!

This weekend I was able to swim, which went fine. I was able to bike 30 minutes, easy, which again, was fine. My knee did feel a bit stiff and tight after, but overall it was fine. Monday, off.

Today, I chose not to go to Yoga Steve. I figured I should get my knee figured out first before I start trying to work on my poses. And I get to swim tonight, so that's something.

Thursday can't come soon enough for my PT appointment!!!

I'm Benched

For 2 days.

When I woke up with knee pain, I knew this wasn't a good situation. So I e-mailed Coach for advise on what to do.

Ice, anti-inflammatories, and stay off it for at least 2 days. Then I can swim. If it still hurts, or starts to hurt more when I walk, off to PT I go.

So I am sitting at my desk. Not sure what to do with myself as it is lunch - and I had planned on sitting on a stationary bike for 40 minutes.

Woe is me.

Oh, and Coach ended the e-mail with "Stay off it as best you can during the day. No dancing at night :)" It made me laugh, instead of cry out of frustration that this happening.

Stupid

I got my schedule from Coach. It's a so so week, some hard stuff - but lots. I am really working on my time management.

I went for my 60 minute run today. It wasn't great, again. I had that feeling going into it so I took it easy and concentrated on keeping my heart rate down and tried to work on form. Here is the deal - around 40 minutes, I felt something strange. And not in the good way. It kind of went away and I made it back to the office. My first thought was, this isn't happening. This is stupid.

Kristin and Jess convinced me to go for my swim, even though I was tired and something still wasn't right. I headed up to Wilson instead of CUA, because it was free and closer to home. I got there and the pool was empty. Not meaning 1 or 2 people per lane - but no one. Apparently the heater wasn't working so no one was allowed to swim. BOO!! Yet again Wilson pool disappointed me. I am just a sucker for a 50 meter pool. Stupid.

So I came home, made dinner, did some laundry, played my new game obsession on my iPhone, and tried to avoid what I was feeling.

Okay, want to know what I am talking about?>? My knee hurts. I mean, really hurts. And it has been getting worse throughout the day. I have been icing it, trying to stay off it, and just not freak out. Trying not to blame the fact that my diet isn't where it should be and therefore my weight is too high for the level of activity I am doing. Trying not to blame the fact that I waited too long to work on my running. Trying not just feel stupid about the fact my knee hurts. But I am worried and am really hoping it will all be better tomorrow.