Monday, May 2, 2011

Ups and Downs

And I am not talking about biking the Columbia course. I am talking about me and my moods lately. One day I am up, the next I am down. It annoys me so I can only imagine what it is doing to those around me.

After Saturday's PW/R, my legs were (still) tired, but I was feeling pretty good. Ready to tackle the hills of Columbia, MD - where my first race of the season will be, in just 3 short weeks, for our club's annual brick-nic (brick - bike/run, nic - picnic = bricknic). I was getting ready to clip in, but Laurel stopped me to see if I wanted to ride with her. Now Laurel is a lot faster than me, which I reminded her of that fact, but she said it was fine and wanted to go my goal speed, so I waited the few moments for her. Just as we were about to clip in, Katie joined us too. (Please let it be noted that Katie is also faster than me).

We started off on the 25 mile course and things were going pretty well. Laurel is not only faster, but a more skilled biker than I, so I tried to mimic her cadence and when she stood for a hill, I tried to stand for the hill - and so on. One of the benefits to riding with others! Laurel and Katie were on road bikes and I was on Blain, so needless to say, I flew by them on the down hills (I also have a bit (lot) more mass than them) and they would pass on the up hills. And overall, I was pretty happy with the first loop. In fact (something I looked up today), when I did the course in 2008, my bike split was 1:40:22. My Garmin told me the same route was 1:39. Woo-hoo!

BUT (and there is always a but), my legs were done. I mean D.O.N.E. So when Katie and Laurel said "time for the second loop", the questions and doubt in my mind already started. Plus, I was only supposed to do 3 hours, if I was feeling "on top of the world", which I wasn't. By the first hill, I knew I didn't have a full second Columbia loop in me. As Laurel passed me on the uphill, I told her I was turning off at the IronGirl course and would see them back at the picnic part of the day.

The rest of my time on the bike was just bad. I made it up the hills, but very slowly. I managed to keep my heart rate down, I think because I just couldn't get my legs moving. By the time I made it back to my car, the last thing I wanted to do was to socialize with others, who probably had great workouts. I didn't want to bring anyone down with my bad attitude, so I talked to a few people, grabbed a burger, got into my car, started to drive, and started to cry. And cry. And cry.

By the time I made it to my Personal Cook's house, I was a mess, and he didn't know what to do. But, he did what I needed, was to just let me cry and give me a hug. We met up with Kevin and Carolina for the Top Dog Half Smoke Challenge. And I mean really, 10 top restaurants version of a half smoke - how could that not make me feel better!?!? After a nap, I felt like ice cream and allowed myself a chocolate dipped strawberry malt.

Now a day later, some more perspective, and lunch with Karen and Janie - I know that cry fit was more than the ride gone bad. It had to do with seeing everyone around me get faster and faster. Comparing myself with people I should never compare myself to (which in reality is the fact that I shouldn't compare myself to anyone). And not having enough faith and confidence in myself that the training will work again and I will finish - or at least know I gave 110% to do all I can do to finish. So I need a little bit more work in that department... which will hopefully come in time.

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