To my 8 readers (Up from 7; E - thanks commenting and good luck in IM Moo 2010!!!), you are all probably aware that I have a little race called Augusta 70.3 coming up in 15 days. It's listed on the right side of the blog under 2009 races. Yes, it's still there and, I am still contemplating participating in the race.
Due to a few other circumstances, both Janel and Rose are no longer doing the race. However Karen, Tony and Nicole, Christina, and a few others are still heading down. I e-mailed a bunch of them with my inner monologue that went something like this
"I am trying to listen to my gut. I tell my self I am going down, I get nervous about how out of shape I am and know I will just get mad at my self for not doing what I know I should be able to do. So I tell my self I am not going, and I get mad at my self for not even giving it a shot - and letting the rest of you down. So I tell my self I will go down and get disappointed about my endurance level and the cycle continues."
I received many e-mails to both go and not go, and for that I am very thankful. I even received a few phone calls that made me laugh (Tony :-).
I talked to a few others, people who know me and remind me of how I will really react to a poor showing/DNF vs. not going at all. There have been many pro/con lists written. Countless thoughts, looking at all the possible options and scenarios I can think of, the $$$ factor, the injury factor, etc.
But overall, there is one thing I keep coming back to... I don't quit. Never have, don't plan on it now. I am not talking about the 5K's, 10K's I have signed up for and not done. I am talking about serious commitments to races. 70.3 miles is a long way and I need to respect the distance. I was sore after a 2.2 mile "run" and a 16.5 mile ride the next day - so I know that when I attempt this race on the 27th, it's going to hurt. There is a good chance I don't finish the ride as I haven't ridden 56 miles since May. BUT - I HAVE to try. I just do. I can't explain it.
So now that the decision is made, I am working on my mental game. The swim should kick some butt because it's a point to point, down river (SWEET!). The bike is a bit hillier than I am ready for, but I will do one more long-ish ride tomorrow (40-50 miles) and throw in some extra hills for practice. If I make it that far and still feel good, I know I walk the majority of the run, so this race will be no different. I am just hoping the new shoes/inserts are ready for 13.1 miles.
I feel good about my decision. I am planning on a lot of "What if's" right now - to help mentally prep and most of them are centered around not finishing, but there is also "What if I do finish?" Then this shiny medal will be mine. But if I don't, that's okay too - because I will know I did my best, I tried, and I didn't quit.