I know today is May 15th. I know my first race is May 17th. Yet, I just realized that my first race is in 2 days and I am ssssooooo not prepared.
Last night I started to lay out all my gear and had a slight panic attack. This morning I started getting the maps to where the hotel is located, packet pick-up information, the course routes - and it hit me, CR*P - I have a triathlon in 2 days!! 2 DAYS!
Yes, I have been blogging about it becoming a Du, added my race schedule (to those of you who only read me on Google Reader, on the right side of the blog, my 2009 race schedule is up) and know I have a race. But knowing and realizing are very different things.
I looked at my times document and to date I have done 11 triathlons (sprint to Ironman), 12 runs (5K to marathon), and 7 swims (750M to 4.4 miles). I have been stung by jellyfish, cut by rocks, had a flat tire, fallen, thrown up (multiple times), had heat stroke, been downpour rained on, ran with lightening in the distance and not once have I quit a race I've stared. I know that when I start a race I have 2 options - finish or get pulled off the course by a race official. I KNOW this about me.
Yet all that being said, I still freak out a bit when it comes to races. I never feel I am in good enough shape (especially right now), care-but-don't-care about being last (and I have been last before), worry about letting other people down, more worried about letting my self down, always wondering if I can really do what I am about to attempt to do...
But I guess that's part of the fun. When I question myself, it makes the answer so much more - real. Nothing is a guarantee. Sunday might turn into a du and I might be last. Sunday might stay a tri and I might get super human strength and win. One of those is more likely than the other, but there is very little I can control in this type of situation.
All I can control is to move my arms in a circular motion, keep pedaling, and put one foot in front of the other.