Friday, August 19, 2011

I Have Never Cried So Much

Last night was awful! Just awful. My ART doctor said I have a very inflamed sacroiliac joint (SI joint) and there isn't much we can other than ice and ibuprofen. He knew right away based on the way I was walking (swinging my leg out because I can't lift my leg) and where the pain was. Oh, and the fact you can feel the heat from the inflamed section of my back. He said that sometimes these things happen, especially if they have been bothering a person for awhile. So he did some electric stimulation and manual manipulation.

After the appointment, I called the Personal Cook immediately after and just started crying. As much as I didn't want him to see me cry and in pain, or ask for help, he met me at my apartment - with fixings for chicken soup. As he was in the kitchen I tossed and turned in on the couch trying to find a position that was as comfortable as I could get. Which just didn't work. I lost it probably about 5 more times. The pain I felt was just off the charts. The chicken soup helped. All the facebook messages helped. But only so much.

Coach called, after I sent him a frantic email, and we are now on an hour by hour, day to day, plan. There is so much unknown right now, and I hate it. I HATE that I don't know what's going to happen and I how I am going to feel in a day in a week in 3 weeks.

I am taking some meds from my back spams and ibuprofen which is how I got some sleep last night. I haven't moved much today and so the pain is more bearable. I have PT in a little over an hour so hopefully that will help too.

I am trying to stay positive and not play the "what if" game. I keep thinking I should have done that extra 12 miles last week or that extra hour on the bike the other day or the extra 1000 meters in the pool or ran a bit harder - anything that would make me feel more comfortable about the fact I can't train right now. Something to hold onto that I can hopefully still Attempt Ironman Wisconsin.

I just don't know. And I hate it.

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