If you read this blog often, you know that calling me moody would be an understatement. Lately, my emotions change as often as a cuckoo clock sounds. I'm in that mental state where I don't think I am doing enough, however I am almost out of time before I start to taper, and I just have to TRUST my coach, and myself - which is just difficult. Every swim, bike, and run just doesn't feel good enough. And that affects my attitude towards pretty much everything else.
But this past week, there have been a few little reminders of how lucky I am.
After an okay 2500 meter swim at Wilson, I heard a very obese woman tell her friend how excited she was that she lost 75 pounds and could now swim 2 lengths of the pool (100 meters) without stopping.
I finished up a ride at Hains Point; which I cut short because I couldn't get moving out of bed and I had to get to work for a meeting, and I was disappointed in myself for not pushing harder after I looked at my very low average HR, knowing I could have done more; and watched a guy get out of van into his wheelchair. He went from his wheelchair to his handcycle, and started his workout.
In the middle of my long, hot, humid run on Monday morning, 4 military gentlemen passed me going the opposite direction, dressed in full fatigues with packs.
I don't know what was going through their minds, their stories, or their reason for doing their activities, but seeing those scenarios this week helped put things back into perspective.
Ironman is just a day. No matter what happens, I have learned a lot more about myself. It would have been nice had I realized this a bit sooner in my training process, but I am lucky I had this moment of enlightenment at all. Most people don't understand what it's like to make your choices for 6+ months for one 17 hour day, when your outcome is uncertain. I may get a rip my tire and not get a new one fast enough, it might be 95 and humid, it might be 55 and rainy - all things pretty much out of my control that would cause me not to finish. But it's just a day.
I am not saying I won't panic a few more times within the next month. I would put a lot of $$ down that I will cry again due to a workout that does not turn out the way I would want. I am sure I will even snip at my friends, Personal Cook, boss, and family because I didn't eat enough.
But I am still lucky I have been able to go on this journey again. I am so lucky that I can swim, I can bike, and I can run. And a part of me is sad that this journey will be over in 30 days. I can only hope my next adventure will lead to more enlightening moments as well. Just maybe with a few less tears.